Everyone has good and bad days. When you’re a family caregiver, a good day can turn into a lousy one if your parents are particularly stubborn.
It can be challenging for an older adult to have to follow their child’s directions. Sure, you’re all adults, but they still have to hand over some control and admit age is getting the better of them. That can lead to frustration that’s taken out on you. How do you keep the situation from escalating?
Don’t Take It Personally
As hard as it is, don’t take things they do or say personally. Grow a thick skin, and don’t let any anger and frustration get to you. It’s not you that they’re mad at. They’re angry with the loss of independence as they get older.
If you find the things they’re doing or saying are starting to hurt your feelings, walk away. Take a break for a few minutes. Go for a walk, stand outside and get fresh air, or find something to do in another room. Just make sure that you’re separating yourself from your parents in a while.
Focus on the Task at Hand
You’re there to make sure your parents take their daily prescriptions, pay their bills, and eat their meals. Focus on those tasks. If your parents refuse to do one thing, move onto the next task that doesn’t require their participation. Circle back to the things you couldn’t do.
If it’s still proving difficult, bribery may help. Suppose your dad won’t take his shower. You have to get him to his dentist’s office in the next hour. Offer to take him out for lunch if he gets showered and dressed. Don’t even bring up the dentist yet. You can do that when you arrive at the office. Follow that appointment with lunch at his favorite restaurant.
Sometimes, they won’t want to do a necessary activity. If that’s the case, enlist the help of someone else. If your mom needs to take her blood pressure medication and she’s arguing, talk to her doctor. She may listen to someone in an authoritative role. If that still doesn’t work, the doctor will have tips on what to do next.
Step Back From Being Their Caregiver
In-home care is an excellent way to avoid conflict. Spend quality time with your parents without having to help them with things they’re embarrassed they cannot do on their own. Stop being the family caregiver.
When you visit, make the visit about fun activities and outings. Don’t be the person who is reminding your parents to take their medications, do their exercises, or get in the shower. In-home care aides can take care of these tasks, leaving you plenty of time to have fun together.